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Unfit Mothers: A guide to
becoming a better mom
The other day I was watching Oprah one of my favorite shows for many
reasons but, that would be another subject. The topic was unfit mothers.
Trust me it was more than evident that some of the guests there had some
serious issues due to the amount of abuse or neglect that they place
their children in.
However, there is something that really bothered me, they had numerous
recordings of women that called saying that they believed they were
unfit mothers because they get angry at their children and feel
frustrated at times. Was I hearing right? Give me a break? Are moms not
supposed to have feelings? Hmmm! Let me see,
•Once in a while when I am about to finish an article my one year old
comes with the cheesiest smile and turns off the computer. If the
article is not saved I lose it completely.
•How about you are trying to think straight and you have a toddler
screaming mommy, mommy, mommy, I want juice, a toy, food, etc.
• Have you ever finished cleaning and just when you think you can sit
down your child spills something in the floor?
•Or my all time favorite when ever I take my girls to a special place. I
feel that I will be happy by just seeing them have a good time; and what
they do? They spend the whole time crying and bickering.
Think again! All these things bother me and I say it even if people nod
their heads with disbelief and think “what a terrible mom”.
Moms are humans too you know, we have the right to feel tired, angry,
happy, excited etc. Unlike those 60’s shows were mom was always
available and eager to please the whole family with a big smile. You
want to know what I think? There is no way that a person can focus on
everyone else and never do anything to fulfill them selves and be
content in life.
So, here is the key to being a better mom?
Take care of yourself first! These women that were frustrated are
probably too busy trying to be perfect mothers and neglect themselves.
Therefore, they probably resent their children and even their partners
because they have given up their true identities. Why do I say true
identity? Being a mom is only one of the many roles that we play in
life. Remember who you were before you had children: your hobbies,
aspirations, life motto. Who was the person that your partner felt in
love with? Or friends and family once knew? It is not like you are a
computer that once you become a mom your whole Identity gets erased and
you automatically become super mom.
Trust me; I went thru this stage when I had my first daughter. I was all
about her until; I took a real look at the stranger in the mirror
staring at me. She no longer had her own illusions; she had neglected
her physical appearance and most importantly did not like what she saw.
That’s when I decided that not only was I aiming to be a good mom but,
it was also my personal goal to not lose myself in the process.
Now, I have given up work outside but, have remained independent by
working at home, follow my dreams, allow space to grow and take care of
myself (physically, emotionally).
The result of it: I am happier which automatically helps me be more
patient, appreciative, and loving not to mention a better role model.
But, always keep in mind there is no perfect mom. Just like any other
role in life you will learn along the way.
If you believe that you do not handle your frustrations effectively then
it would be good to take anger or stress management classes or if you
would like to enhance your parenting skill go to the Center for
Improving Child Caring
http://www.ciccparenting.org/cicc_fpcs_13.asp they offer free
classes in most states, free childcare is available while you are in
class. “It will not be fair to mistreat your children so, seek out help
if necessary.”
Just some advise from another mom,
Kenia
Morales
Past columns:
My girls are people magnets!
January 28,2005
Time is Gold
January 20, 2005
Make your dream a
reality this year
January 5, 2005
On
a Diet During The Holidays? Okay, Knock It Off! December 15,
2004
Your
Responsibility November
22, 2004
You have the
right October 21, 2004
Achieve Your Goal
October 12, 2004
What my baby taught me
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