Acceptance, as a spiritual concept and
practice, may be a powerful answer to your relationships -- regardless of
whether you are single or in a relationship. I have certainly found it to be a
powerful tool for me and for my clients.
The type of acceptance I am referring to is not
about giving up, nor is it about shutting down out of frustration and fear. I am
referring to a more spiritual/religious type of acceptance, the kind you learn
from meditation or prayer. This kind of acceptance has a component of peace. It
is understanding that if the thing you want the most is not meant to be in your
life, then there is something better, or something more purposeful, or perhaps
something to learn.
If you can achieve this kind of acceptance, you will stop desperately wanting and terribly fearing, without being angry or sad about it. You will no longer take extreme steps to try and fix or improve your relationship situation. You will no longer put your life on hold until you have the perfect relationship. You will begin to concentrate on having the best life you possibly can, right now.
In the process of doing this, your relationship situation may change to become what you wanted in the first place. On the other hand, it may not -- but you may simply have a peaceful, satisfying life.
What am I really talking about here? Let me specifically address each state of singleness or commitment, and show you how the concept of acceptance may transform your relationships.
Always Single
Ironically, if you want to stop being single, you
need to fully accept that which you fear the most -- that you may always be
single.
Accept it, but don't give up, give in, be angry,
shut down, etc. Turn to your spiritual counselor, advisor, teacher, therapist,
coach, etc., for help in learning acceptance.
Casually Dating
Singles who are casually dating often have a fear
they will never meet their Mr. or Ms. Right. If this is you, you need to accept
that which you fear the most -- that you may never meet the right person and
remain alone.
Again, you want to accept this with an open heart
and mind, but don't give up, shut down, give in, get depressed, etc. Get help
from a religious/spiritual leader or a coach or therapist.
Seriously Dating
If you are in a serious relationship, you may fear
that the relationship will end or never go anywhere. You need to accept that
which you fear the most -- that your relationship may end, or it might get stuck
at the same place you are now.
Accept this and you will become free to be yourself
in the relationship because you will have faced your greatest fear.
In a Long-Term Relationship in Trouble
If your relationship is going poorly and you are
both struggling to breakup or stay together, your greatest fear may be that the
relationship will end. You may be afraid of losing everything you have built
together with your partner -- the life, the family, the lifestyle. This is what
you need to accept. Face your fear that you may in fact lose everything and have
to start over.
I know this is an almost impossible thing to
accept. However, acceptance will bring you freedom and peace and the innate
knowledge of what to do next.
In a Long-Term Relationship Going Well
If you are in a relationship that is going well,
your greatest fear may be that the happiness you feel now may not last. And this
is what you need to accept -- that in fact the happiness may not and almost
certainly will not last as your relationship and life continue to move forward.
Accepting this will allow you to take grater risks
in your relationship and keep it from getting stagnant and predictable.
If you want additional information on
the concept of acceptance and how it may help you in your relationships, watch
for future classes on acceptance geared to each relationship state (coming
soon!).
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
"(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"