The Three Stages of Mending a Broken Heart by Dorothy Thompson
You've been dumped. Short of throwing yourself off
the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for
days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a
year's supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering
machine on the alert in the hopeful case that your once
loved one might call and beg to have you back.
Only, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies?
It's a constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the more
bloated you are. But, you don't care. You wish the earth
would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?
Cases like this happens everyday.
Falling in love has its risks and you've just experienced
it first hand. You want your life back but don't know the
first thing about how to get out of that black cloud that
hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.
What do you do?
Acknowledge the fact that you have to go through three
different stages during a break-up. Once you realize this,
you can chart your progress and see that it's only a short
trip to recovery.
STAGE ONE - The Hurting Stage
Symptoms: This is the hurting stage. It's where
you are now. It's your heart's way of telling you that you
have just experienced the worse kind of hurt there is. You
cry, you're depressed and you have no idea how you are going
to live without him/her. You leave messages on his answering
machine and text him to the point where you are becoming
psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early morning to
see if his vehicle is still at his house or he is - gulp -
off with another woman. You drive by where he works and
contemplate going in and crying your eyeballs out to let him
know this has hurt you beyond repair. You either eat
tremendous amounts of comfort food or you don't eat at all
and your health suffers. You cry on your co-worker's
shoulders and hope they can help you get out of this mess.
You are, essentially, gone and a hopeless mess.
How to cope: Now more than ever would be a good
time to hang out with friends and watch a few comedies, even
though you just aren't up to it. Rekindle family
relationships. Talk to older family members about how they
met their husbands/wives and how they coped with troubled
relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to remember
things that brought you happiness. Was it a bike ride
through the countryside? A trip to the beach even in the
cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the
shore? How about that closet that is in desperate need of
rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now is the time to focus on
you.
You have to acknowledge that this is the normal process
of grieving a relationship that has died. Nothing can really
help at this point because as with the death of a loved one,
this is the same feeling. It's a natural process. Give it
time and remember that soon you will enter the second stage.
THE SECOND STAGE - The Mad Stage
Symptoms: Remarkably, when your heart begins to
heal, your hurt turns to anger. What nerve he/she had to
dump me! You vow you're going to make his/her life a living
hell as long as you are alive. You start dating. Only, these
are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times happen in
this second stage. Some last, but most do not for the simple
reason that you will do anything in your power to inflict
pain on the one who did it to you.
How to cope: Once you get to this stage, you're
halfway there. Even though anger is not a healthy feeling to
have, it is a normal reaction after you've gotten over the
feeling of hurt. However, instead of going postal and risk
the chance you may do something you'll regret later, take
his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters.
Finalize the break-up by getting rid of everything you have
of his/hers. But keep in mind that years from now, you'll
wish you did have some kind of remembrance of the
relationship because it's all part of your life history.
Whatever you do keep, look at it as a symbol of how well you
did cope and can look at the relationship as a learning
experience.
STAGE THREE - You Don't Give a Damn Stage
Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself
what you saw in this person in the first place. Nothing
he/she does now bothers you. In fact, you are happy he/she
has left because you are ready now to form new
relationships, new loves.
How to Cope: You are there. When you hit this last
stage, you have finally come to the point where you can go
on from here and form new relationships. Relationships that
aren't rebound. When you finally get to this last stage, you
will become the person you once were - full of happiness,
hope and a quest for life.
Once you realize the three stages of a break-up, it helps
you to understand the process that is involved. Just as it
took time to fall in love, you don't just fall out of it
overnight.
It helps to remember that there will always be a tomorrow
and that there is always that second chance to find that
special person who is meant to share his/her life with you.
Life is full of second, third and even more chances. So,
pick up your heart, go through the process to heal and chalk
it all up to experience. You'll be glad you did. In the
words of an unknown author, "Never forget what is worth
remembering or remember what is best forgotten."
© Dorothy Thompson
